Coffee, Safety and Powerpoints
by anxious.soul
Summary: In which nobody gets between Tony and coffee, safety isn't something Tony takes into account, and powerpoints are made and forgotten.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers **

**Cross-posted on my AO3 with a collage.**

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On the counter, a figure could be seen slumped almost lifelessly whilst staring unseeingly at a steaming cup of coffee.

"Rough night, Tones?" Clint joked as he entered the room closely followed by Natasha. The genius didn't seem to notice and stayed where he was, lost in his head and exhausted after about 72 hours without sleep. The things he did for science. "Yoohoo! Stark, you in there?" Clint called from the other side of the island as he waved his hand in front of the man's face. When he turned to the redhead, she just shrugged and continued to drink the coffee she had taken from the pot, much to Clint's annoyance as it meant he'd have to make a new pot of coffee.

The sandy blond's eyes fell on the steaming cup in between him and Tony. Slowly he reached out to grab it before freezing and furrowing his brows.

"Did you hear something, Nat?" She shook her head from where she sat perched on the countertop watching the pair. Shaking his own head, Clint reached out to grab the coffee. Tony moved as quick as lightning, his hand smacked Clint's away and the notorious archer stared wide-eyed at the suddenly awake and somehow more exhausted looking billionaire, "did you just _hiss_ at me?"

Tony hissed again in response.

"_My precious._"

"Oh my fucking God, Nat, call a priest or something, Tony's possessed by Gollum." The redhead was tempted to smack Clint but settled with shaking her head (and a mental promise of beating him up in training later),

"You've been warned about stealing coffee. _Especially_, coffee from the sleep-deprived genius." She walked round to the sleepy man and gently lead him away to his bedroom leaving Clint with his coffee despite what just happened. She knew, however, that Clint would _not_ be drinking Tony's coffee given that he most likely still thought the man was possessed.

"Fuck no. I'm not drinking coffee from a possessed guy, it's probably possessed coffee." She heard the archer mutter to himself.

Reaching the penthouse and Tony's bedroom, she more or less shoved the genius into his bed and ignored his weak protests and random rambles.

"Sleep, Tony. I mean it." Natasha stated with a raised brow before turning and leaving the room, before she had left, Tony was already asleep.

**—LINE BREAK—**

About twelve hours later, the man was alive and back in his lab with too much pent up energy. Tony was jumping from one thing to another within a minute and was rambling away to JARVIS and himself as he tinkered with this and that.

"Stop!" Someone suddenly shouted causing the eccentric genius to freeze in place. There was a flaming match in his hand and Tony turned to find Steve striding towards him looking exasperated and worried. The blond blew the lit match out and stared at the now pouting genius.

"_Why?_" Tony whined

"You had no protective gear on! What would've happened if you set yourself on fire?"

"But _why?_" Was all Tony said reaching to grab a new match but Steve smacked his hand away.

"Safety first. What are you? _Five?_"

"If I say yes, can I continue?"

"_No!_" The pout was back and the blond found himself rubbing his eyes, "follow me." Steve didn't give Tony a chance to say no before he was dragging the short man out by his arm as though he was a disobedient child…which, let's face it, is what Tony's like anyway.

The team was gathered in the common living room,

"Bruce! I need you to pull up _that_ powerpoint."

"What's he done now?" Is all the doctor said as he pulled up the mentioned powerpoint and Steve gently pushed Tony down onto one of the couches as the others looked on with raised eyebrows,

"Almost lit himself on fire."

"I did not!" But everyone ignored the indignant exclamation as the powerpoint came onto the large TV. "You…actually have a powerpoint…titled…_that_…" Tony mumbled,

"Yes." Both Bruce and Steve stated in unison.

"You know I'm not actually suicidal right?"

"Maybe not, but you have no care for your own safety." Surprisingly it was Natasha that replied whilst looking at the man with narrowed eyes.

The powerpoint headline read:

**Tony Stark's Guide To Survival Because God Knows How That Moron Is Still Alive Due To His Suicidal-Like Tendencies.**

Looking at the title card closer, Tony couldn't help the happy beat his heart made at the fact that they cared enough to make one…then he looked at the small box with the creator's names and smiled.

**By Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Steve and Thor…Tony's teammates and family.**

The smile quickly faded as the next slide came up and he saw an index of sorts of _all_ the _many_ things he didn't do well…eating was the first thing.

"Wait…I thought this was just about my lack of lab safety!" He exclaimed,

"Originally yes, but I realised this was a good time to bring up _everything_ else," Steve answered and Thor, who was beside the short genius placed his hand on Tony's knee, stopping the man from fleeing.

"I hate you all."

"No, you don't. You love us really. Except maybe Clint, no one loves him."

"Rude, Natasha, rude."

**—LINE BREAK—**

The powerpoint was incredibly detailed and yet simple. Tony even commented on how good it was and promised he'd try harder.

Barely one day later and he was back to his regular dangerous mad scientist-engineer self.

Truthfully, no one minded…

Until Tony decided to explode his workshop burying himself under a lot of rubble and leaving him with a twisted arm, broken leg and concussion…that day the powerpoint became **T.S.G.T.S.B.G.K.N.H.M.I.S.A.D.T.H.S.L.T 2.0 **along with the powerpoint specifically for all the Avengers barring Tony: **Ways To Enforce The Safety Of Our Resident Moronic Genius.**

It still didn't work.

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**Here's my tumblr if you're interested, it also has the story collages: anxious- - -soul (no spaces between the dashes but sucks and wouldn't allow the dashes without spaces)**

**Anyway,**  
**Thank you for reading,**  
**Hope you enjoyed this,**  
**Please review,**  
**No hate -don't like, don't read**

**Bye~**


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